Workplace Dynamics
Feng Shui for the Mind: Keys To Uncluttered Communication
By following the formula for Feng Shui for the mind and clear communication, you will reap the benefits of clarity of thinking, aligning your words to your thoughts, and taking action that is consistent with your thoughts and words.
Marty Stanley
Are you tired of not getting what you want? Do you feel like your staff or colleagues aren鈥檛 listening to you or following through on their commitments? Prepare yourself for a little Feng Shui for your mind 鈥�
Creating Harmony and Flow Not Clutter and Disappointment
For those of you who are unfamiliar with this ancient Chinese practice, it is about placement and design to create spaces of harmony and balance. Proponents say good Feng Shui and 鈥淐hi,鈥� or flow, have a positive effect on health, prosperity, reaching goals and good relationships.
Craft Your Words Carefully
Just like Feng Shui, we need to know how to use words to remove clutter and barriers in order to have clear communication. Careful use and placement of words can achieve balance, flow and harmony.
Sometimes we spend more time crafting our words than we do to communicate goals, expectations, preferences or disappointments. I used to order 鈥渁 double mocha frappacino with a shot of expresso, 鈥渟kinny,鈥� Grande in a Venti cup with shake of nutmeg and vanilla bean鈥� and hope for the best.
Now, I just order a small coffee. It鈥檚 a lot easier. And I get what I want: a cup of coffee. It鈥檚 not very glamorous without all the filler, fluff, and calories, but how often does one really need all that? Even if you want it, a steady diet of it is not good for your waistline or your wallet.
That鈥檚 what Feng Shui and uncluttered communication have in common: clarity and simplicity. What are you really saying? If you鈥檙e not getting what you want, I invite you to step back and listen to your choice of words. Are you clear about what you really want before you start talking?
In this era of things being 鈥渙n-demand,鈥� instant messaging and texting, we feel compelled to speak or write, before thinking. STOP! Take a few minutes to remove the clutter, to balance your thoughts. What do you really want? What is the intended outcome that you want from this interaction? Not sure? Write it down. Look at it. Is that what you want? If you got that, would that make you happy or deliver the results you want? If not, continue writing until you鈥檝e found the clarity and simplicity of your thoughts.
Express Yourself
Once you have 鈥淔eng Shui鈥檇 your thoughts and words鈥� to be sure they are aligned and in harmony with what you want, it鈥檚 time to take action. The next step is to express yourself with clarity, conviction and compassion鈥攐r at least, without blame, judgment, drama or exaggeration.
Cut the Drama
It鈥檚 important to note that whenever there is 鈥漝rama鈥� around a situation, you can be assured that clear communication is going to be compromised. In these situations, it is even more critical to step back and be objective about the end result you really want to achieve. Look at all sides, all possibilities and all parties involved. Again, like Feng Shui, it鈥檚 about creating a space of harmony and balance. Drama creates barriers to accomplishing what you want.
Three Approaches to Clear Communication
#1: Make a Request
One way to reduce the clutter in your communication and get what you want is to 鈥渕ake a request.鈥� A 鈥渞equest鈥� is similar to an invitation. When you receive an invitation, you can accept it or decline. In addition, a 鈥渞equest鈥� can provide an opportunity for a counter-offer.
When you start a sentence with the words: 鈥淚 have a request,鈥� it forces you to be clear about what you want. It also alerts the listener to pay attention, without the fear, manipulation or apprehension that can occur when someone barks 鈥淚 need this now!鈥� or candy-coats 鈥淐an you do me a favor?鈥�
For example, instead of blurting out: 鈥淵ou鈥檙e late again!鈥� or being passive-aggressive about it by sighing, rolling your eyes and looking at your watch as the offender strolls past your office 30 minutes late. Think through what you really want and how you want to come across as a leader and manager. Align your thoughts words and actions to that image. Now you鈥檙e ready make your request. 鈥淏ill, I have a request. When I hired you, you said could work from 8am 鈥� 4pm. The past couple weeks, you鈥檙e not here until 8:15, sometimes later. I request that you honor your commitment to work from 8 to 4.鈥�
In this example, that the manager is holding Bill accountable for keeping his commitment. There is no drama, blame or opportunity for excuses. However, it does provide an opening for Bill to make another request or counter-offer, such as: 鈥淚鈥檓 taking the kids to school now. Would it be possible to start at 9 and leave at 5?鈥�
Remember: when making a request, you need to be prepared for it to be declined or engage in a counter offer. If you鈥檙e not willing to accept a 鈥渘o鈥� or a counter-offer, then don鈥檛 make a request.
#2: State Your Expectations
Some times we think we鈥檝e communicated expectations, but maybe we鈥檝e only been rehearsing the dialogue in our heads. Did you actually tell the person what is expected? Or did you say something like, 鈥淵ou should know this is part of the job 鈥︹��
Please note: saying 鈥測ou should know鈥� can put the other person on the defensive and rarely results in a good outcome. So next time, instead of being snarky and saying, 鈥淲hy can鈥檛 you get this right consistently?鈥� Try this: 鈥淜aren, we鈥檝e reviewed this customer鈥檚 specifications for this job. I expect you to consistently do the work according to these requirements. If this happens again, there will be a written warning.鈥�
Make sure your expectations are reasonable and actually part of the job. It helps to refer to documentation to support the expectation, such as a job description, product specifications, or legal requirements. People also need to know what happens if they don鈥檛 meet expectations.
#3: Keep your promises
If you say you鈥檒l do something, do it. If you find that you are over-committed or can鈥檛 follow through, the best thing you can do is acknowledge it to the person to whom you made the commitment. Do it as soon as you鈥檙e aware that you can鈥檛 keep the promise. (Now we know you鈥檙e smarter than a fifth grader, but don鈥檛 act like one by saying 鈥渂ut I didn鈥檛 say: 鈥業 promise鈥欌��). All you have is your word. Don鈥檛 diminish your integrity by not keeping your word to someone.
One of he best ways to have others keep their 鈥減romises鈥� to you is to model this behavior. However, there are times when we need to hold people accountable for not following through their commitments to us. For example, 鈥淛im, you said you鈥檇 have the analysis completed by today. I was counting on including that information for my presentation next week. What happened and when will it be completed?鈥�
So there you have it. Follow the formula for Feng Shui for the mind and clear communication and you will reap the benefits of clarity of thinking, aligning your words to your thoughts, and taking action that is consistent with your thoughts and words. These are the keys to uncluttered communication.
Marty Stanley, President of Dynamic Dialog, Inc. () is an author, national speaker and facilitator who helps organizations create their New Normal. Contact Marty to speak at your next conference, in your organization and to facilitate your visioning, planning and teambuilding sessions at 816-822-4047 or [email protected].